SEEKING HEART PURITY

Seeking Heart Purity After Having Professed and Preached It for Years -- Crucifixion Rather Than Consecration -- What the Old Writers Say.

Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin. Rom. 6:6.

     I here feel led to refer to my seeking the experience of heart purity. It was on this wise. After doing evangelistic work in Ohio, Pennsylvania and West Virginia, I was much worn in body, and for a change temporarily took charge of a large orphans' home in Virginia. Like Moses on the "back side of the desert," I found this a good place to get away from the people and enjoy long seasons of waiting upon God.

     I had been preaching holiness, and numbers had professed the experience under my ministry. I see now that though I was partly responsible, nevertheless one reason I did not get down to business before was that no one got me under conviction. When the thought came that I did not have what ought to be included in the mighty baptism with the Holy Ghost, I naturally looked around to see some one to whom I could unbosom my heart. I had become so well acquainted with the inside life of ministers that I confess I did not know where to go, so again concluded that if they had it, I had also. They may have had the experience; I hope so, but for some reason their lives and preaching did not bring conviction.

     On several occasions I had special seasons of fasting and prayer, each time receiving mighty quickenings of the Spirit, but, like others, stopped short with these, instead of taking them as an incentive to the final crucifixion.

     I well remember one of these occasions, in which the Holy Ghost tried to lead me into the genuine experience. We were having a farewell service, when a number of intelligent converts came forward and attributed their salvation to something I had said or done. I felt a sense of inward satisfaction over the thought that my labor had not been in vain in the Lord. Doubtless it was all right to feel thus, but what about the feeling when other converts who were equally bright spoke in the same manner of my co-laborer: this was what opened my eyes. Outwardly I appeared just the same, but way down inside of me there was something that did not rejoice. The next morning at family prayers I said, "Brethren, I do not believe I am sanctified wholly. I have serious doubts whether all unholy tempers and tendencies are eliminated." One spoke up, "You surely must be under pressure; I have been closely connected with you for months and have never noticed in one instance anything like pride, self-will or covetousness." I replied, "Very well, but you have seen only the outside and not the inner movings of my soul."

     This illustrated the power of regenerating grace. Yet at times I had misgivings and wondered in my own mind how these things could be consistent with a holy heart. I talked with my brethren in the ministry about it and they eased me down instead of probing to the bottom. Some called it "temptation," and others, "human infirmities." Nevertheless, my peace was disturbed and my soul longed for deliverance. Somehow I could not obtain a satisfactory witness and it seemed no one could help me. On several occasions I followed the directions of my brethren and made a "full and complete consecration and dedication" of all my powers to God. The result was a great blessing and illumination of the Spirit. I was urged to call this "holiness", and did so in strong terms. But in course of time I was again conscious of a lack and strongly felt a heart cry for something better. I kept it to myself and continued to profess and preach, not knowing anything else to do.

     But not until this time, in Virginia, did I, as Wesley says, "see the ground-work of my heart, the depths of pride, self-will and hell." I had heard great and good men preach holiness, and had been instructed to "make an entire consecration and take it by faith." But now under the white light from heaven it seemed to me that this hurrying one through did not reach the case, at least my case. Hence I began to read up, and found that the early writers were more thorough in their methods than most of those in our day.

     Adam Clarke says: "Few are pardoned because they do not feel and confess their sins, and few are cleansed from all sin or sanctified because they do not feel and confess their own sore and the plague of their own hearts."

     Fletcher says: "The deeper our sorrow for and detestation of indwelling sin, the more penitently do we confess 'the plague of our heart."

     "To promote this deep repentance, consider how many spiritual evils still haunt your breast. 'Look into' the inward 'chamber of imagery' where assuming self-love, surrounded by a multitude of vain thoughts, keeps her court. Grieve that your heart, which should be all flesh, is yet partly stone; that your soul, which should be only a temple for the Holy Ghost, is yet so frequently turned into a den of thieves, a hole for the cockatrice, a nest for a brood of spiritual vipers, for the remains of envy, jealousy, fretfulness, anger, pride, impatience, peevishness, formality, sloth, prejudice, bigotry, carnal confidence, evil shame, self-righteousness, tormenting fears, uncharitable suspicions, idolatrous love, and I know not how many of the evils which form the retinue of hypocrisy and unbelief. Through grace detect these evils, by a close attention to what passes in your heart at all times, but especially in an hour of temptation. By frequent and deep confession drag on all these abominations. These sins, which would not have Christ to reign alone over you, bring before Him; place them in the light of His countenance, and if you do it in faith, that light and the warmth of His love will kill them, as the light of the sun kills the worms which the plow turns up to the open air in a dry summer day."

     These and other holy men led me to believe that God's method in dealing with the carnal mind was confession and crucifixion. The general idea is to seek a great "blessing." Now, as I abandoned myself to the operations of the Spirit, He revealed to me in order, one phase of carnality, then another, dwelling on some particular tendencies longer than others, according to my disposition. Many times during this overhauling I was so overpowered by the Spirit that I was ready to declare the work done. But then after holding still, the same faithful Revealer uncovered another, and, if possible, a more subtle trait. He kept this up for some time, until I completely died out to my feverish haste -- to that disposition that wanted to profess quickly in order to protect my reputation and the cause of God.

     Oh, how I thanked Him then and do yet, that He did not let me stop short, though at times I had great peace and joy. Instead of my having to force myself, it was the highest sense of relief to "drag out" every abomination. Finally He brought me to the end of myself where it was easy and natural to believe to the cleansing of the soul. I dared not confess any more. I could do nothing else but look up and say, "I believe Thee to do it now, Now, NOW." Then He gave the witness so clear that I realized the Omnipotent gaze could scan me through and through and find nothing more that He saw ought to be removed.