HOW TO PERPETUATE THE HONEYMOON

More Than Twenty-Five Years of Conjugal Harmony

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. Eph. 5:22.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. Eph. 5:25.

     It is certainly sad that so few married people are really happy. As a rule, the differences begin shortly after the wedding ceremony and increase until they culminate in a separation. This separation may at first be only in spirit. But as it increases, there are the unkind, cutting words, then a daily or weekly wrangle and finally -- a divorce. It is sad when this takes place inside of the first ten years, but worse, if possible, after a score of years, when they need each other's comfort and support. Inasmuch as we have lived together for more than a quarter of a century, I have asked my "Little Lady" to give some of the secrets of our Happy Married Life.

     "Possibly some are wondering if one really could experience a lifelong honeymoon, or, if it is but theory. It may be an encouragement to such to know that in our case, -- after more than twenty-six years -- it has been a blessed reality.

     "Of course, there are times when the best of people do not quite understand each other, but through God's abiding grace such things are quickly adjusted, so that life flows on like an undisturbed river. Thank God, this may be true of any couple, provided special precaution be taken by both parties to have it so.

     "May we present a few little secrets which will aid in bringing happiness to any home?

     "The first is a magnanimity of soul which gives to each other the right to his own opinion. This will save quibbling and quarreling over little things.

     "If one feels called to a certain line of work, it should be the pleasure of the other to assist. One's divine call should be considered, however, before marriage, lest he be cramped and hindered by the one he loves.

     "It is my pleasure to say that so far as husband is concerned, he has done his part to promote our happiness. Had he discouraged my desire to win souls I never would have accomplished even the little God has enabled me to do, as it is my disposition to allow others to crowd me out if they are so disposed.

     "Another thing that will help perpetuate one's honeymoon is, when your companion is a trial to you, retire and pray through about it instead of scolding or even reproving.

     "I have always had plenty of faults which I am sure have annoyed my beloved husband. I find myself apologizing frequently for little things which I surmise have been a trial to him. No amount of prayer will deliver us from all faults. We must bear with each other. With his permission I am going to state one of my trials, i. e., the fact that he has been away from home so much. The life of an evangelist's wife is a lonely one. Often I have wept, prayed and struggled on alone with sickness and pressures of various kinds.

     "At one time I opened the Bible to Lamentations 1 :16. 'For these things I weep; mine eyes runneth down with water, because the comforter that should relieve my soul is far from me: my children are desolate.' I took it to the Lord in fasting and prayer and He answered not as I expected, but in His own way, viz., He called me to preach -- with my en. This so took my time and interest that I forgot my loneliness. How often I have thanked God that instead of complaining or insisting on my husband's remaining at home, I took time to pray through about it. When my husband came home, he was surprised to find that I had the manuscript for a new book, and would you believe it -- he stayed at home to help me get it ready for the printer?

     "Though we have not had much hired help in the home, husband has always tried to see that I had time for writing, insisting that no time be spent on fancy cooking, or unnecessary things.

     "Perhaps another secret of happiness has been that we have had one purse -- a joint ownership of what little we possessed. Each one has a check book and is free to use it without questioning. Right here there is food for thought, for many lives are unhappy because of trouble along financial lines. Of course, there are two sides to this question, for I have known women who were extravagant; they had to have so many new things; they did not know how to piece out and remodel. They could get up a good meal provided they had plenty of fresh or canned goods, but lacked the art of making a tasty meal out of left-overs. Perhaps it would be wise to give such an one a certain allowance each week for living expenses, with the privilege of keeping as her own what was left. If she keeps an itemized account of each expenditure, it will greatly aid her in planning how she can save a little more the next week.

     "Perhaps I may be pardoned for saying that, on the other hand, we have known men to be unkind and unreasonable regarding domestic finances. This is one reason why some women refuse to raise families and prefer to work outside the home.

     "We once had a friend (a preacher) who, though well to-do, would not give his wife sufficient to run the kitchen. She did all the work, washing included, and if she needed a quarter's worth of soap she had to hunt up her husband and ask him for the money. If he happened to have nothing smaller than a half-dollar, she was told to bring the change back. In order to have what she needed she was obliged to keep boarders. Think of it!

     "We had another friend who would not allow his wife to know much about their business affairs. Everything was kept in his own hands. When she fell heir to some property, he sold it and declared she did not know how to use the money. When she wants clothes, she works for them, hence secures a job three or four times a year. I might add that love has died in that home.

     "But, thank God, all men are not like these two cases. We knew another man, who gave his wife a certain amount each week for running the home, another allowance for her work, and still another, just because he loved her.

     "Shall we continue? Another little item that must needs be mentioned here as necessary to the happiness of the home is that each parent see to it that due respect be given the other in the presence of the children. Even though one has made a mistake, it should be the rule to conceal that error from the little ones.

     "In training children, differences of opinion may arise between parents. Those differences should be hid from the children and calmly and lovingly discussed privately. Nothing is more important than to train the child to fully and forever give due respect to his superiors.

     "Another great secret of conjugal felicity is the absence of suspicion. While all are subject to temptation, yet it is blessed to know that grace has kept the heart true. Our work has kept us separated much of the time -- husband in the evangelistic field and the wife either at home or on another field of labor. But God has kept us so that we have had no fear of heart wanderings, or infidelity even in thought. We cannot help pitying the thousands of homes from which love has flown, because of the entering into the affections of a third party, and we would warn all such that sin begins in the mind.

     "I trust that no one will feel that we are at all putting ourselves up as examples. We are not, for we have often erred in judgment and sometimes wish we might live our lives over again that we might make fewer mistakes. We wish only to make some homes happier by suggesting these few little secrets of a life-long honeymoon."

Sick Unto Death

     And it came to pass that Shelhamer was sick unto death. This was said of me several time since when I was ill with appendicitis, once with tuberculosis, thrice with pneumonia, twice with influenza, etc. I am satisfied that on several occasions I could have gone to heaven if I had but consented, but I refused to die before my time. We often hear it said at funerals, "The dear Lord took him home," when the fact was he died too soon. Of course, he made it through to heaven, but left a lot of work unfinished. It seems to me that heaven is no place for a man until his work is done. If I were in heaven and while there were apprised of the fact that some one was upon earth whom I might have won to Christ, I believe I would want to come back and win that soul.

     Recently wife has been alarmed for the second time with a report that I was dying. She wired me to know if it were true. At the time, I was preaching two or three times a day. I wired back, "Well and happy! Glory, hallelujah!! Jesus saves and sanctifies! !!" This was at least once when the Western Union operators used certain words very seldom found in their vocabulary. Yes, I am immortal until my work is done, and I hope the "chariot of fire" will take some one else and let me remain here for at least another ten years.